Thursday, June 30, 2011

Stripper legs: A short anecdote

I ran out of shaving creme a couple days ago, and like a lazy poor college student, haven't been to the store to get a new bottle. Since it's summer and shorts, skirts, bikinis are the norm, I couldn't just leave my legs untamed until I go home for the 4th and beg my parents for toiletries. I had to improvise.

Sadly, the only other lotion I currently own is Victoria's Secret shimmery sparkly glitter lotion in tasteful Eau D'Streetwalker.

[I do actually possess a small bottle of somewhat expensive face creme, but I'll be damned if I'm slathering half that tiny tube on MY LEGS.]

This lotion is bad. I think I got it a year or so ago for my birthday. It is possibly 10% lotion, 90% glitter. Its "girlie" scent somehow combines a flower garden with a sleazy club bathroom. And did I mention the glitter?

A couple weeks ago, in a rush, I shaved my legs with this before visiting the boyfriend. This was at a point where I was still pretty allergic to his moms cats (I adapt over time/exposure, just like a deadly bacteria!) and I waited outside for him to collect his stuff. When he came out and saw me in the sunlight, he said:

"Why are your legs sparkling? They hurt my eyes. You look like Ke$ha threw up on you."

Yes. One slather of glitter lotion and I turned into "Ke$ha Thighs."

Sometimes glitter in moderation is appropriate - say, your six-year-old sister's princess birthday or a Twilight fan fic (scratch that, Twilight is never okay). I do love most other VS products - the Lacie is probably the best underwear out there. But in this case: bad. Very, very bad.

When it comes down to prickly, fuzzy awkwardness or shiny, shimmery awkwardness, give me the glitter any day. Maybe my legs will blind passerbys tomorrow so I don't have to field stupid questions and poor attempts at flirting from freshmen orientation boys while on my lunch break.


Leslie said...

Soap lady... use soap...

Cee Harvey said...

haha aww cute story!
you can use hair conditioner to shave as well!
thanks for your comment on my blog!x

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

Thanks for the comment, I love your blog!! Haha this story made me laugh. I'd choose glitter over unshaved legs too!

MellyB said...

Girl, you don't want anyone to ever think that Kesha and her body fluids came near you. Next time, panhandle.

Jazzy E (hivenn) said...

Haha i'd pick sparkle too. Shampoo or conditioner work well! x hivenn

Francesca said...

hahahaha nice post! xx opinionslave

Nomadic D. said...

That's hilarious. And thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog, glad you liked the video!